“I suppose it must have happened upwards of 2,000 times by now.

I exit the car, usually with a wife and various kids in tow, and amble in the front door, tossing off a quick greeting to whomever is handing out the folded sheets of paper that in church-speak are called 'bulletins.'

After a quick scan of the seating situation--who has already parked themselves where, who I might want to avoid and so on--I choose a spot not too near the front and sidle into the chosen row, smiling feebly at the person sitting on the other side of the seat that I’ve politely left vacant between us.
And there it is. I’ve walked into church.”

-Tony Payne, How to Walk Into Church

How Do You Show Hospitality?

This month’s book recommendation from Tony Payne, How to Walk Into Church, discusses the various ways that Christians come to church and interact with those around them. Are we distracted or attentive? Friendly or Distant? Our approach is important, and must be intentional at a church as large at Parkside.

In seeking to find out the various practical ways our members show hospitality to others at church, Pastor Jonathan Cameron, in a recent round-table discussion, spoke with Parkside members:

• Liz and Rusty Johnson, members for 19 and 26 years respectively, parents of three, and first-grade Sunday School teachers;
• Merlin Senthil, a high school senior who has attended Parkside for the majority of his life and serves with the high school youth ministry;
• and, Carol and Ken Swanson, members for 15 years, married for 56 years, and parents of three, grandparents to five, and great-grandparents to one

The group spent some time together and shared their thoughts and tips on how they welcome people at church.

Making Introductions

Jon: How do you go about making it a priority to say hi and greet the people around you?

Rusty: Liz is really good this. She’s very intentional.

Liz: Well, I should start off by saying why: Rusty and I went to an AA meeting with a friend who asked us to go along for support. We walked into the meeting and everybody immediately embraced us and introduced themselves. I said that’s what church should be for us. We need to be the ones that say, “Hey, you’re new, welcome!” And so from that day on, I told Rusty that I will not sit another Sunday without saying hello to whoever is by me.

Carol: There was a young man that we met many years ago. He used to come and sit all by himself and we sat next to him and finally got to talking to him. He’s just a dear young man.

Ken: And there was another young girl we met at church. We sat next to her. She had just moved here and didn’t know anybody. We talked to her and she said, “You know, this is the fifth time I’ve come to this church and I wasn’t going to come back again because nobody ever talked to me. Even when I tried to talk someone, no one was interested.” So we took her to breakfast and introduced her to our kids who were about the same age, and eventually we got to be good friends. We met her parents, and brother, and then it was here at church that she met her husband.

Conversation Starters

Jon:  Every Christian is a sinner, and a saint, and a sufferer, but it would be the worst thing if those people [who are quietly suffering] were in our midst and were ignored. Sometimes we spend so much time paying attention to what is happening in front of us that we miss the people right next to us.  How do you start a conversation with the people who are next to you?

Carol: So many people look so sad. If you smile at people, they smile back. It’s awesome. Just smile at them.

Merlin: Just a couple of months ago, I happened to have a conversation with this guy just passing in the hall. We made a joke together, started up a conversation, and then we ended up going out to eat with a couple of my friends. That was it. We just got to know each other a little bit and now we’re friends on Facebook, which I know is not very much, but we can check in.

Jon: Some of this can seem a little overwhelming especially if someone is more introverted.  We’ve already talked about the simplicity of a smile - what are simple practical things you can do to show hospitality?
 
Liz: There are so many people sitting by me at church that I always just choose one person at church to really say, “Hey, tell me something about yourself, so they feel like you actually notice them.”

Russ: Or say to someone, “Hey, come join us, sit by us.” [There are] a lot of times when people come in late during a service and there’ll be an empty seat next to us and I’ll say, “We’ve been saving this for you.” It’s just something so simple like that, but when you say something like that there’s a smile and that opens them up.

Carol: And when The Commons was still open, and I would sit over there and I met so many wonderful people. I would sit down and people would come up and talk, and I used to be shy.

Jon: What changed?

Carol: What changed? The Lord changed me. Yeah, I was so worried about my appearance and what people would people think of me. He just changed me totally. It’s truly a miracle.

Finding Balance

Jon: So, let’s say you’re serving in a ministry, you have a family, work and/or homework, and everything else that’s going on in the world -- how do you protect your time so that you can make [relationships] a priority?

Merlin: Something that I like to do is follow up on conversations with those people because if they did feel welcome, they might want to come back again and get more involved. You can’t just make it a one time thing where you say hello because that’s what you’re supposed to do and then check it off your list. No one wants to feel like it is either. We’re actually trying to spread the gospel and build relationships, but they’re not always going to become your best friends for life. A lot of these things require time and some people do take more time and energy. It’s definitely hard to balance. Just praying about it, asking for more time and wisdom about how to balance the situation, and taking those times to think about others first. When I’m at home and I’m doing my schoolwork, I’m focusing on getting better grades, but when I’m at church, I’m trying to focus on the sermon. And, in social times, I should be thinking about how can I make sure other people are having a fun time.

Rusty: We have found that there’s always that tension. Right now, we’re over-committed, but it’s wise to see if you’re over-committed because then you’re not doing anything super well and then you can start pulling back. Other times, you can see that you need to step up and do a little bit more. It is that tension all the time of being over-committed or being under-committed, which I think is healthy. It’s very healthy to ask, “Are we serving? Are we doing as much as we can?” But at the same time, we need to ask, “Are we stretching ourselves so thin that we’re ineffective?”

Liz: It’s better to do two things really well, than twenty things, not well.

Making a Connection

Jon: Inevitably at a place like Parkside, there are people who have been around for awhile, but feel disconnected. Maybe they come for the service, but feel like this isn’t really all they hoped it would be. They haven’t yet considered that God’s goal for us isn’t just an hour on Sunday morning. How do you encourage them into making a deeper connection?

Rusty: I remember in college one family would ask me what I was doing for lunch. And when you’ve been eating mac and cheese everyday, and someone says, “Hey, can you come with us to the Golden Corral?”

Jon: Buffet? [Everyone laughs]

Rusty: And that act of generosity, it was intentional.

Liz: And people never forget kindness. Or even asking how can I pray for you and then pray right there with them.

Rusty: It’s so individualized. You have to sense the need and where they’re coming from. But you can introduce to them to other people, or invite them to help serve with you. Once again, there’s that feeling of belonging, being needed and wanted.

Liz:  Just include.

Ken: The church has done so much for us that I want to share that blessing with others. We just introduce ourselves. It’s easy when you just do that, introduce yourself.

For Your Encouragement

That’s a great place to finish and it fits right in with what we’re seeking to do as we love God and love others. As we try to do this together as a church, we’ve found a book that really helps with this whole idea of hospitality as a church family. Here’s a little section from our book recommendation this month: “...the more we focus on Jesus, the more clearly we see through his eyes the people sitting all around us, for whom he died. The better we come to know the God who sacrificed his Son for the salvation of all of us, the more our hearts are filled with love for the motley crew of forgiven sinners who are our brothers and sisters in Christ.”

If you’d like to read more about what it means to come to church and be intentional not only in worship, but in where we sit, how we interact, and how we love and encourage others, we recommend Tony Payne’s book, How to Walk Into Church. You can pick up a copy at Books by the Park.